Alright, i’m going to share with you my attitudes and philosophy of small groups. Why? Because we have been talking about this a lot at church lately and i want to clarify some of the things i think so people can understand where i am coming from.
I DO NOT HATE SMALL GROUPS!
The reason i think small groups suck- in almost every case- is the WAY they are done! Small groups aren’t bad, but the WAY most churches organize and develop small groups IS BAD! For the most part they serve to divide the local church and not edify it!
I have been a part of many small groups and i have been able to watch tons of small groups over the last 20 years of my church life and ministry life…what i have typically observed is fake connections, forced intimacy, and religious hypocrites who sit in judgement of anyone in our out of the “group” who is not like them! Most of these “groups” end up getting a sense of pride and arrogance. They feel like they are more spiritually in tune with God and the church…most begin to question the leadership and direction of the church, usually to the point where they “help” people in the congregation to blow out of the local church with seriously hurt feelings!
I HATE RELIGION…
Most small groups are really not small groups of people trying to love one another and love others. Most small groups are pockets of divisive and controlling religious people. The reason this is happening is because of the WAY churches are doing small groups.
Churches want to foster friendships, connections, belonging in their congregations. I do too! This is a good thing. But where small groups have missed it is that they MANUFACTURE CONNECTION! Church is great at this! We find something that works organically and spontaneously and then we package it as some new program that will “change your life forever” and cram it down peoples throats!
About 40 to 50 years ago this “amazing program” was sunday school. That was where “real” relationships and discipleship would take place. At least that’s the lie that we packaged and sold to our churches. So, after that died we needed a “new” and “better” program that would save the masses! And, wouldn’t you know it, along comes the greatest program of all time…”small groups!!!”
“Yea! The great salvation of the church is finally here!!!” “Now we can have intimacy and real discipleship and relationships will be able to happen.”
So, what does the church do? They basically force relationship, force intimacy, force belonging and then they say, “If you are not in a small group, then you don’t really belong!”
That’s pure crap!!!
I LOVE INTIMACY AND RELATIONSHIP…
Let me say that i really do love relationships and building close friendships. I am not afraid of being close or open to others. What i DON’T like is when someone tries to FORCE me into a relationship! That is uncomfortable and unfair.
Relationship- at least all MY closest relationships- have been birthed spontaneously! My wife, my best friends, the people who speak into my life…i can’t think of 1 relationship in my life (that is close) that was forced. They all happened spontaneously and grew organically! EVERY ONE!
COMMUNITY IS BIRTHED ORGANICALLY AND SPONTANEOUSLY…
I believe we DO need smaller pockets of community and connection in the local church. I think it’s good for people to have smaller groups of connection. But, I WILL NOT ORGANIZE IT OR FORCE IT! We must allow, in our church, environments for our people to get to know each other and maybe even develop friendships on a deeper level. But i want those friendships and connections to be spontaneous and grow organically NOT organizationally!!!
I WANT TO BE AN ENVIRONMENTALIST…
I believe my job as a pastor is to NOT FORCE community or FORCE friendship, but to create as many public and social opportunities or environments for my congregation to get to know one another in a better way. And as i do that, there is a better likelihood of spontaneous friendships to develop organically. The people in my congregation have the responsibility on themselves to live out love and care in their own lives. It is not the job of the leadership to make people like each other or spend time together (and when leaders try this, it fails miserably) but it IS our responsibility to encourage our people to care for one another and take the initiative to look after each other and build friendships in their own way and their own time. So, i want to be an environmentalist…someone who creates environments where connections can spontaneously occur.
A book that i think all of you should read is Joseph Myers book, “the search to belong: rethinking intimacy, community and small groups.” Lots of the language i use in this post has been influenced by this great book!
So, those are my thoughts.
Anyone care to contribute? i welcome your thoughts and comments…
peace.out.
